This post is written by a member of the Debut Student Publisher Network. Read on for Hiran’s response to all those generic rejection letters companies keep sending. No shade. Well. Maybe a little bit of shade.
Rejection letters always make us sad. But lazy, generic letter rejections make us mad. In normal circumstances, you should always be gracious when responding to a genuine ‘thanks, but no thanks’ email from a recruiter. But this letter is for those times when a simple “no thanks” won’t do.
This letter is reserved for the saltiest among you. When they don’t even get your name right at the top of the letter. For every recruiter that’s used the words “Unfortunately, I regret to inform you…”, this is your sweet revenge. Take that, Elizabeth.
If you want to interrupt the Talent team’s 10am catch-up coffee with the grads, then you can download this letter, edit it, and send it through if you are game enough. We advise you to use it with caution*. There is no going back after going this level of deep.
A rejection letter to rejection letters
You can download the letter here.
Here’s what it says:
“Dear Elizabeth “but you can call me Lizzi” in Human Resources,
After carefully reviewing the generic rejection letter that you mail merged me into (by the way, my name isn’t Applicant), I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year, I have been inundated with a number of rejection letters from diverse and highly qualified companies, but after much deliberation and getting to know you, I’ve decided that your rejection does not fit my needs at this time.
Understandably, I was upset that I wasn’t chosen for the role on this occasion. However, I should consider myself grateful to have been invited to interview amongst the ravenous cries of desperate graduates, who have unceremoniously been scrapping at your professional doorstep, in the hopes of getting this mythical “paid internship”.
I feel privileged to have been amongst the plethora of qualified candidates who applied for the role, as well as part of the rigorous application process. However, it’s good to see that you’ve offered it to John, who remembered our interviewer from his older brother’s “Oxford days” when they were playing “rugger”. I am sure that he will definitely fit in better to the culture of the company. And no, on this occasion, I’m afraid I’m not interested in your diversity inclusion scheme.
I think it is really commendable that you’ve decided to email all of the candidates to let them know the status of their application. That really sets you apart. However, it’s a shame it’s come two months after I originally interviewed. Interestingly, I actually found out I was rejected when John updated his LinkedIn profile. Hopefully that has proved how resourceful I am, which I stated in my application (I am sure it is still on file as you mentioned in your letter).
Again, thank you for offering to keep my details on file, but it’s 2016, and if manual filing is still a staple in your recruitment process, then I’m sure 1983 will be on the phone soon asking for their inefficient system back. In the meantime, if you are still able to send feedback on my application, I would very grateful if you could fax me a copy to +44-207-UNMPL0Y3D.
If anything comes up in the future, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. It is always important to test the rigour of my spam filter from time to time.
*We cannot be held responsible for any negative consequences if you do send this off – don’t get yo selves into trouble now, ya hear.
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Feature image © BBC Apprentice